when it does??!!??

I can do it...and I can make it happen... But the possibility of it not happen doesn't scare me more than the possibility of it happening!!! I see clearly through the whirlwind of could have, should have, and would haves... But disappear in an endless cloud of when I do??? The question of what's next sits in the pit of my stomach, slowly creeping up like vomit... I'm pushing my tongue to the roof of my mouth trying to keep it inside...but eventually it will take over..rendering me powerless over my heart...and even though I will soon feel better...knowing that it cannot always remain a mystery....I fight the momentary feeling of my soul being purged for my destiny is bigger than me...my life is not my own..and submission does not make me weak..now my head has the idea...to bad its my heart that's determined to fight!!!